Anxiety and Family

Research continues to show us how the brain grows with what it is fed. So if we feed the brain with junk...junk comes out. One of my favorite pastors, Pastor Craig Grochel says, "what are your inputs?" This is so important to think about and just start getting curious with yourself...what are my inputs? Are my inputs God honoring and serving who I am created and made to be? Or are my inputs serving something else. My grandma always used to say...garbage in ...

All of this lines up and we absolutely MUST protect our brain and our inputs...especially these days with all of the competing voices and portals, adds and post vying for our attention.

According to the APA aligns with my own rule...we must tell our kids the truth about what is happening, but it must be filtered through developmental safety and emotional regulation. As our marketing director at BR says and my former acting professor...Keep It Simple. Children do best when they receive accurate, simple information from a trust and regulated (key) adult or parent. Meaning we can't watch something on the news and run into our kids room screaming...on no...we are at war we need to....fill in the blank. This is a dysregulated position to take. However, if our kids come in while we are watching the news to stay with this example, we can tell them just enough if they ask what is going on or if they ask us a direct question, like my daughter did at breakfast this morning. She literally said to me, "mommy you know we are at war." I said I did know that. Do you have any questions about it?" She said no and I told her I was here if she did later. 

No matter our age, repeated media exposure increases rates of anxiety, sleep disturbance and intrusive thoughts and our kids start to personalize what they see.."Will this happen to me?" Once that mind train starts ...it can be a challenge to unwind that neuropathy way...so we don't want to give it furtle ground to grow.

Good guide lines...ages 3-6 limited ability to distinguish real vs imaginary, so they need minimal information and heavy reassurance or safety..."You are safe and mommy and daddy are taking care of you." Ages 7-11 are able to have more logical cognition, but still have concrete thinking. They can handle more facts with gentle correction of any misinformation.They of course still need reassurance of distance and safety. Then our adolescents are more abstract thinkers and can apply more moral reasoning, as long as they aren't participating in substance use...even legal substance use. We still do not have complete data on what the legal substances these days are doing to our children's brains...so please discourage this use. Will only feed the anxiety monster. Adolescent still need help regulating intensity and boundaries around their media exposure...which of course is old news by now. In general follow the child's lead...asking what have you heard? This begins the conversation and increases the healthy connection and secure attachment...which is what we all really need. Give them just enough information and anchor in safety-"We are here...you are safe." Limit media exposure and allow space for creative expression...play, drawing, music, and storytelling. If it's helpful, use the SAFE model. S-Simplify the facts. Attune (notice) to emotion. Filter exposure Establish safety.

Our kids will borrow our regulation ability. Meaning if we are calm...they will take that on. The opposite is also true. This aligns with all of what attachment research and trauma frameworks have taught us. We want our kids to trust us AND we must give them a reason to. Our job as parents is to love our kids well and to model to the best of our ability what a healthy adult walking with the Lord looks like. It's not a perfect journey and was never meant to be. Being a safe place for them to come to no matter what is going on outside or on the news is paramount. We are there to teach them how to take care of themselves in the midst of the difficulties of life and to show them what is possible. Never underestimate the powerful teacher you are as a parent. You the most important one of all! They also will feed off our anxiety. It ALL matters. Our kids' brain development is built on their daily experiences. So having us as a constant tried and true, attuned and emotionally safe adult to come to is everything.